Things To Do At Xmas Parties When You're Bored

I love to f*!k with people. Even people I don't know. So if you like to f*!k with people too, try this at the next holiday event you are dragged to where there are a ton of pretentious people you neither know or care for present (believe it or not this usually happens to me whenever I return home to Miami for the holidays). And remember that you need a friend for this:

1.Station yourself near the bar or area where the most people are congregating and ignoring you completley.

2.Turn to friend and say something like: "The doc says that I when I finish my prescription the itching and burning should go away."

3.Have said friend riff off of this and take it where it goes. Some places you can take this are:

• Night with post-op transvestite old football buddy


• Night with that 1st cousin you've always had the hots for


• Hooking up with that person at the AA meeting (have drink in hand)

4.Don't be afaid to get as gross as you want, but try to keep everything in a friendly, matter of fact tone with little or no cursing involved.

Happy holidays and good hunting!